University of London Men's Lacrosse Club

We now have a new website that will be the primary source of information for our club and can be found at the following link:

http://www.pitchero.com/clubs/londonuniv/

The new Committe was elected at the AGM over several beers and a mountain of pizza. There was a slight re-shuffle of positions and the results were as follows:

President: James Porcas (Porky)

Captain: Jieyun Lee (Jet Lee)

Vice Captain: Jake Moris (Ringo)

Treasurer: Michael Scott (Fresher Mike)

Social Secretarites: David Morris (Brucie), Kunle Babawale (OJ)

Congratulations to the new committe and lets hope they have a succcessful and fun year.

London lined up for their last game of the season against East 1 new boys Reading 2s.  London again suffered from a lack of numbers with only 11 players making the match with Mikey filling in as goalie due to Tony travelling to Amsterdam.  This was further confounded by the clocks going forward overnight unbeknownst to Nate who was supposed to be reffing the match meaning London lost Tom for the first quarter or as he had to ref the match.  Reading were not in a great shape themselves and travelled with only nine men leaving the game evenly balanced on paper.

The game started evenly with both teams conserving energy and there were few chances at either end.  Reading eventually took the lead but the scores were soon level through an excellent shot from Porky.  However, London were struggling to retain possession and while their defence was holding relatively firmly they had little respite and Reading soon retook the lead.  With a nasty blow to the stomach OJ was forced off injured to be replaced by the complete rookie Daniel who showed some real nerves to hold his own but Reading were soon picking the match ups and at the end of the quarter were 4-1 up.  Fresh legs were available shortly into the second quarter as Nate turned up and tom was able to enter the fray.  

The added size in defence helped London who focused on a solid defence while aiming to hit Reading on the counter.  This tactic worked well in part with several big hits in midfield from a belligerent Tom releasing London to break, however the inexperience of the new look attack showed as repeatedly fast breaks were wasted.  Reading soon managed to grab a fifth to end the half four goals up.

With the knowledge that Reading should tire faster than them London retook the field determined to claw their way back into the match and they were off to a great start with Tom feeding Porky on the crease for him to score his second.  London had several more chances but failed to put them away and as the frustration built so did the errors.  Routine ground balls were snatched at and passes were misplaced as London tried to force their way back into the match to no avail.  Instead it was Reading who added to the score sheet with a further two goals beating a now seething Mikey who although pulling off an excellent display in goal was understandably frustrated to be shackled to the goal.  The match ended on a moment of levity as a Reading middie seeing Tom steaming in intent on flattening him chose to duck under the incoming hit sending Tom flying over his back to end up in a bundle on the floor.

The final score was perhaps a little harsh on London but as has been their story for the majority of the season it is their lack of cutting edge in front of goal that is their issue not their defence.  As such they will need a long summer of shooting and dodging practice if they hope to better this year’s result.

With the final match over the team retired to spoons for a full roast dinner over a couple of pints before reconvening later in Camden for a drunken review of the season and a look forward to the exams, Bluesfest and the summer.  Mikey was declared Man of the Match for his admirable stand in performance as goalie.  Wanker of the Match went to Jet for brilliantly missing a pass only to see it hit him square in the head.  Standard.

London travelled to Brighton with a much depleted side just making up the required 10 players.  This was in stark contrast to a Brighton team which put out a full squad of 20 for their final game of the season.  With several key players missing Tom was again required to play long pole while Eamon was available in goal freeing Tony to try his hand in attack.  London therefore had an unprecedented five freshers starting and while it would be great experience it was going to be a very hard match against title contenders Brighton.

The trip to Eastbourne to use Brighton’s astro turf was longer than expected due to rail replacement buses being used for part of the journey but London belayed any suspicion of tiredness from the start with Rick wining the face before feeding Ringo to race in and score with barely ten seconds on the clock.  This stunned Brighton into action and it wasn’t long before their superiority in skill and numbers began to show and they started scoring.  London put on a brave effort in defence and their middies ran tirelessly and although Brighton grabbed a few early goals London managed to get their second.  Porky picked out Tony making a great cut across the crease only for Tony to drop the pass, however, this turned out to be a great piece of improvisation as Tony then hit a hockey style slap shot beating a surprised Brighton keeper.  This left the score at a respectable 7-2 at half time as London collapsed onto the astro to catch their breath.  

The second half however saw Brighton step up a gear and London progressively tire.  This was not helped by the fact a number of their players were carrying injuries with Tom in particular playing through the pain in defence with several massive hits to stop Brighton fast breaks.  The fact the match was being played on an astro also soon left London with so many players bleeding that the ref would have enforced substitutions to clean themselves up if London had had anyone on the bench.  Brighton were soon scoring freely as London failed to contend with their movement especially as when they repeatedly loaded one side to create match ups with room to dodge and shoot on the other.  Eamon pulled off some great saves but the sheer number of attacks soon told and the score began to increase rapidly with them eventually running out 18-2 winners.

London however could take a lot from a hard fought match in which they never gave up and ran or hobbled right to the end.  The team then headed back to Eastbourne with Brucie almost forgetting the kit on the platform, where Brighton put on some brilliant chilli and chips.  Man of the match went to Eamon for some great saves while Wanker of the match went to Rick for constantly falling over on the astro only to continue cradling and on several occasions actually beating his man in doing so.  The team then attempted the long journey home with a couple of crates for company.  The journey was highlighted by a particularly crazy drunken pole who took a liking to Tom and proceeded to try and ply him and the rest of the team with beers and cigarettes with everyone adopting the ‘its easier to just say ok and take them’ approach.  While free beers were never a bad thing being subjected to random techno music played over the guys phone’s loudspeaker for 2 hours was a bit much and when he left at Gatwick Airport the team were happy for the respite.  London eventually made it back to Victoria 13 hours after they had left bruised and drunk but in good spirits.  Standard.

With their excellent win against the Alumni still in their minds London lined up against Blues 2s with a real hope of emulating that performance even without several key players.  The start of the match had been delayed as Brucie was late to turn up with the kit.  As he was un-contactable by phone some of the team feared the worst.  However, he eventually turned up and explained away his lateness as down to the fact he had been held at Coventry station by the transport police for being too drunk to travel after hurling over the station and had lost his phone at some point that night.

This was not the only issue for London before the match even began as they were without a ref and as such Tom would have to ref the game, leaving London a man down from the start.  This didn’t seem to trouble the team as they scored first with Mikey winning the face before feeding Rick to stun Blues just as the heavens opened.  Blues were soon level but they failed to impose themselves as predicted with both teams trading goals with Fresher Mike, Push and Ringo all netting in the first half.  However, some good shooting from the Blues gave them the lead and they scored on the stroke of half time to leave the score 4 – 7.

This parity was lost in the second half as London tired and the experience of some of the Blues players showed through as the rain let up and they started showing some of their early season form.  London did manage another goal with Porky scoring his first in London colours but Blues were too strong and soon the goals were adding up.  Blues capped a fine display with two goals in the final minute as London’s communication broke down.  

While it was a bad result London could take a lot from their first half performance especially that of some of their freshers. This would be especially important as they would be travelling to Brighton the next day with a depleted side and as such post match ginnings were dispensed with.

The most anticipated match up of the year saw London take on their Alumni in a match that had extra significance as they had failed to play a match the previous year.  With many players returning from across the globe for the it there was a great atmosphere at pitch side as old friends met up and multi generational banter ensued.

Blessed with a sunny day both sides had a good compliment of supporters turn up often before most of their players.  This was due to several London players coming straight from their beds following some late night liaisons whilst the Alumni decided to warm up with a visit to the local pub.  Slowly but surely two Lacrosse teams took shape and following an inspirational Hollywood rip off speech by Rick to fire up the London boys the game was afoot.

The match started very evenly with both teams focusing on retaining possession and there were few chances.  However, the it soon began to heat up and London took the lead through Rick.  From this starting point London never looked overly troubled with their younger legs making up for any lack of experience, this was especially true of Liam who seemingly didn’t stop running.  London’s defence had a particularly good game with Scottish, Soulless and Pest shutting down attack after attack while Jet ran an effective long pole middie game.  However they did not have things all their own way and even with a concerted effort to prevent him in particular from scoring Sean managed to put the Alumni on the score sheet with a great goal followed by a typically modest celebration.  

Both teams struggled at times to remember it was a friendly match and there were a series of penalties.  This was especially true of Tom who as he was still injured from the Cambridge match could only manage a couple of minutes at a time and twice gave away penalties for ‘over-enthusiasm’ in tackles.  Not that this seemed to bother him to much as he returned to the sideline to ice his injured groin with beer cans and use champagne as a painkiller.  While the game was done in the best of spirits it didn’t prevent a competitive attitude and Fernando won a succession of face-offs using questionable tactics and if ever there was a case for karma it soon followed when, while cruising in midfield he had his stick sent cart wheeling out of his hands by Sean to the thorough amusement of the fans.  However, London continued to dominate and although the Alumni grabbed another goal it wasn’t enough as Brad followed Rick in getting a hat-trick and further goals from Tony, Liam, Mikey and Ringo sealed an excellent win.

The post match celebrations started in earnest with champagne and beers on the pitch and team photos before the teams donned shirts and ties and headed to the local pub.  Once there the Alumni provided London with a steady supply of beer over stories of what the team used to be like.  Soon the landlord realised how much money they were making and how much noise both teams were making and opened up a massive function room for the teams for the England rugby match.  Soon over more beer and a vast selection of pizzas and fried chicken the Man and Wanker awards were decided.  For London Man went to Tony for not only scoring but saving goals, while Wanker went to Fernando for getting stripped so spectacularly by Sean.  For the Alumni Man went to Andrew Robinson for playing blind most of the game and he nominated his teammate Jeremy to take it on his behalf.  And instead of a Wanker of the match the chance was instead taken to gin one of  the Alumni for becoming relatively famous working as a political correspondent for the BBC.  All four saw off the gin admirably before attention turned back to the rugby with Scottish delivering an commendable solo performance of Flower of Scotland.  

Following much more beer and pizza everyone left the pub to head to the George at London Bridge to fulfil the traditional post match drink there.  Here team members began to fall away due to far too much alcohol or just simply getting lost.  The tube to London Bridge was seen as a chance to impress any woman present with the team both singing to unsuspecting passengers or in the case of Eamon performing topless press-ups.  Stopping for a quick can or two on the way, Sam was persuaded to get into a hole which was a bad mistake on her part as she was then discovered what it must have been like to be on the wrong side of bear baiting.  At the George the team had shots and a speech courtesy of Nick Taylor before moving on to the Blue eyed maid for some brilliantly camp karaoke.  Several hours later with more and more of the team losing the ability to think or stand everyone headed back north to the UCL Union with another eventful journey unfolding.  The usual singing continued with Brad mistaking a tramp for an attractive girl and serenading them for several minutes and to re-establish his pride resorted to wrestling Pest on the tube.  At the Union to the joy of Tony and Ringo it was discovered it was also karaoke night and they failed to relinquish their microphone for the next two straight hours.  Finally when the Union closed a good 11 hours after the match finished the team finally managed to drag their bodies and what was left of their pride home. Standard.

With London’s temporary pitch finally drying out they were able to host their first home game of the New Year which saw them face up against league leaders Cambridge and while London were missing several players they fancied their chances of causing a massive upset. 

The game started slowly with both teams adjusting to the uneven surface of the temporary pitch but Cambridge soon took the lead with the first of several goals from their ex US college level attackman.  London were soon struggling across the pitch with nobody having a good game with the exception of Tony who kept the score line relatively respectable.  While Cambridge may have had the advantage in skill and experience they only had ten players and so London sought to out run and muscle them in the hope that they could tire them out for the later stages of the match.  This increase in physicality soon began to show with some big hits going in and it wasn’t long before a few grudges started to develop.  Tempers flared after Pest legally smashed a Cambridge player off a ground ball before Mikey sought retribution for a previous foul on him by taking a man out from behind earning a minute penalty.

However the more aggressive tactics did not stem the flow of goals and London were failing to string passes together all too often seeking the Hollywood pass and losing possession.  The new yank Adam showed some good moves up in attack but Cambridge were dominating possession and chances were few and far between.  London did finally get on the score sheet when an ugly goalmouth scramble ended up with the ball just crossing the line.  They almost added to this shortly after with a great run from Pest almost resulting in a Long pole goal.

However, London continued to labour when in possession while Cambridge kept the goal count ticking up and by the fourth quarter had a commanding lead.  Such was their advantage that they played the final quarter with a man down as one of their team had to leave early as it turns out he hadn’t read a text book for several hours.  Even with the numerical advantage London failed to dominate only adding a single goal in the final quarter through Brad who beat his man with an excellent dodge before finding the top corner in a rare glimpse of what London were capable of.

The dour result and the fact it was a mid week match lead to a subdued post match drink at the pub with Man and Wanker postponed until the Alumni match at the weekend which London will need to vastly improve for if they hope to win.

With London facing the prospect of being docked points for not having enough qualified referees this match was a potential relegation decider that East Grinstead had to win in order to have any realistic chance of moving off the bottom by the end of the season.

As such both teams were up for a serious contest and the spectators were not disappointed however, London faced several pre match setbacks.  Firstly due to bad weather they were scheduled to play on a sand-based Astroturf which several players realised translates roughly to sandpaper.  Having played all their games since the end of November on the pitch EG had a distinct home ground advantage especially with the unpredictable bounce.  Furthermore, due to a clash with the Kings mixed tour London were without Jet and Pest which meant Tom was drafted in as an emergency long pole after winning the ‘who won’t fuck up that much’ vote by the rest of the team  on the train down.

The game started pretty even to start with while both teams tried to settle and sort out their offences.  There were few chances initially with the best falling to Rick who saw his bounce shot bounce three yard in front of the goal and due to the unusual bounce sail clean over the goal.  Chances were few and far between but eventually the team started trading goals with Mikey and Jeremy both grabbing one only to see them quickly cancelled out.  With both defences on top it was going to be the team that converted their chances to win and EG while having far fewer shots were pegging corners to the immense frustration of Tony in the London goal who was struggling to read the bounce.  Ringo grabbed a goal followed by a brilliant diving shot from new boy Jeremy who sacrificed several layers of skin to score, but again EG equalised after the London defence twice failed to establish a second slide.  London almost took the lead again through the unlikeliest of sources when Tom won the ball in defence, beat his man and ran the length of the pitch, only to see his long pole shot saved by the goalie’s foot.  In desperation he followed up by trying to kick the rebound in but in a classic case of goal line fever resorted to the toe-poke not a calm side foot and saw the improvised shot just miss the post.  It was the London long poles that were posing more and more of a threat with several fast breaks however London were failing to turn them into goals.

Another goal for London from Jeremy was matched by EG leaving the teams level at five apiece heading into the last quarter.  However, it was EG that stepped up a gear in to score three quick goals and leave London with a mountain to climb.  London didn’t give up though and Rick who utilised the classic ‘shoot badly and slowly and the goalie won’t be used to it’ tactic to great effect drew the scores to within two.  This proved temporary though as EG regained a three goal cushion and saw out the rest of the quarter as London’s frustration soon began to turn itself into penalties.

Following such a disappointing result the whole team decided they should be given Wanker of the Match and after a stop off for food at the club house headed back to the station.  This was more successful for some than others as the final taxi failed to make it there in time for the train and had to wait half an hour.  This didn’t prove enough time for Brucie to remember the kit bag and so he was left planning a return to the glorious EG countryside on Monday to retrieve it with plenty of time on the train to ponder his epic fail. Back in London most of the team headed for the Union of Ringo’s special number birthday celebrations with plenty of drinks at hand but Soulless and Tom had to make a detour via their housemate’s production of Oklahoma.  An excruciating two hours later salvaged only by the fact there was beer for sale at the Bloomsbury theatre they made it to the Union to find the team a little worse for wear.  

Ringo was in a particularly bad state and seemed to have rejected the convention of wearing a shirt in public places.  Tom met up with the barmaid he was seeing only for the team to agree that things looked to be going to well.  As a consequence Mikey, Brucie and Porky decided to surround them, thrust up against them, down Tom’s pint and run off.  Many beers later Ringo was carried home by his missus and the team returned its focus to drinking games with one of the highlights being Tony having described a girl as having ‘a belly’ then having to ‘tell her’.  Standard.

It was with eager anticipation that the London team travelled up to Colchester to face the unknown East Coast team, who they had not played since the previous season. However, the train journey was lacking many familiar faces. Scottish and Tom were both unavailable to play and Mikey has decided to prove his stupidity by locking himself out of his house. Also, Brad and pest were running late and would not show up to the pitch until just before the match began, looking like they were definitely still wasted form the night before (or perhaps it was the pre-game beers they’d had on the way there).

It was the job of the remaining players to step up and prove themselves. Pest picked up his long pole and filled up the London defense alongside Chris and the ever unreliable Fernando, who had picked an excellent weekend to help out the London numbers. The job of face off was then left to Rick, who was given some last minute tuition from Fernando before stepping out onto the centre spot.

Much to everyone’s surprise the first face off resulted in London possession. However, they failed to convert this possession into goals. Brad’s shots weren’t getting through and although making a few moves onto crease, Rick was unable to get the shots off in time. East Coast on the other hand started with a simple cut and dump goal and went on to score again, ending the first quarter with a 2-0 lead.

The second quarter was a decided improvement for London. Rick was now winning the majority of the face offs and the London defense was looking stronger. However, a lack of physicality meant an East Coast player was allowed to walk to ball close to goal and score with far too much ease. A half time score of 3-0 left London with plenty to think about. The solutions however were clear. London needed to man up in D and start scoring some goals in offense.

This is exactly what they did with big hits from the London defense keeping East Coast out of the crease. Brad appeared to have sobered up too, proceeding to score twice and bring London back in the game. With one more East Coast goal slipping through the net the third quarter ended at 4-2 and with a lot more work still to be done.

The final quarter was to be more tense than any of the previous three. All of the London freshers truly stepped up their game and it was Bruce who was the first of them to taste that sweet sensation with his first ever goal – a cheeky scoop on crease in true Brucie style. A retaliatory East Coast goal was then quickly made up for by Ringo. His shot was definitely unorthodox, being from far out and whilst he was falling over. No one in the opposition defense expected this shot, especially the goalie who was left in a state of disbelief as the ball soared into his net.

With three minutes to go the score was now 5-4 to East Coast. Chris was now sitting out with an injured shoulder , which didn’t help London attempts to pressure the ball and win it back. Instead, this aggressive play gave East Coast the opportunity to score twice more and shut out any more hopes of a London win. The score hadn’t gone their way, but the London boys had played a game to be proud of.

Awards went to Ringo for his first goal and Fernando for his usual wanker of the match vote. An extra large reward went to Bruce for man of the match, his first game appearance and his first ever goal. Many of the team then chose to stay and sample the delights of a Saturday night in Colchester. This included a close win by the old players in an oldies-vs-freshers boat race and many many games that often terrorised the local girls. Bruce continued to pound on through the night until finally succumbing to sheer volume. After convincing the local police that Bruce was not a danger to himself or the general public the team finally found the station and those who could still stand loaded the rest onto a train home. They then congregated around the only girl on the carriage and definitely enriched her hour long train ride to back to London. Standard.

Following heavy defeats in their last two meetings it was with some trepidation that London travelled south to play Croydon.  However, it was with not without a chink of hope as recent results had seen Croydon struggling for form and numbers culminating in a dramatic loss to East Coast in their previous fixture.  

Hope of facing an similarly under strength side were dashed when Croydon lined up in the snow with their full complement of players in a direct response to this unexpected loss that has left them off the pace in East 1.  However, London were not ready to simply capitulate and the first few minutes of the game were relatively even.  This parity did not last long with Croydon soon hitting their stride with their superior experience and skill soon showing as they raced into an early lead and never looked back.  It was a chastening experience for London who struggled to compete especially up front.  That is not to say they did not have their chances in front of goal with plenty of space available on the fast breaks with Brad scoring another hat-trick while Rick grabbed a goal, but just as many opportunities were wasted against a poor Croydon goalie.  It was the lack of accuracy that was the most damning of London’s faults as highlighted by Mikey whose weak bounce shot still managed to beat a bemused Croydon keeper leaving others to rue what could have been.

London further struggled on the face off with Pest’s persistence and sheer effort unable to match the speed of the opposition.  However, there were signs of what was possible with Pest winning the face and possession before storming past a Croydon long pole and shooting into the top corner.  These moments of skill were few and far between for London who really struggled to compete in the first two quarters.  While London produced a more controlled and disciplined display in the second half limiting Croydon’s chances the game was already beyond their reach and Croydon ran out comfortable winners.

With the acknowledgement that the better team had won on the day the team enjoyed a mass communal shower before digging in to the excellent grub put on by their hosts before turning to the bar.  Wanker of the match went to Tom for blazing two glorious chances over the bar while Man went to Pest for his brilliant goal.  The team then stocked up on beers to watch the six nations in the club house with the consolation that even the Gran Slam champions can get thrashed.  Standard.